My cat gives me a boner
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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