oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
