i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
