I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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