my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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