dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
