I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
