Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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