Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
