The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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