Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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