I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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