We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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