he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
