Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
