I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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