I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
