friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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