I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
