Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
