Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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