mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Randomize
