She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
