So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
