She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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