i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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