Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
