that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
