are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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