I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
