I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
