Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
