then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
