I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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