evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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