I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
