he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
