I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
