Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
