dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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