i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
