cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
