if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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