Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
