I got chris browned last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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