she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
