my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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