hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
