don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
