You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My dick has a subreddit
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
